I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
porn star boner night. come get it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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