I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
