dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
