Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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