He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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