Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
