I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
