Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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