This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
