Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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