My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
