week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
