Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
