I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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