I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
