Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
