Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she told me i tasted like america
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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