Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
