You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
