Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
