Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
