She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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