Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
