Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i out mim tonsoeep
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
