also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
