I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
