I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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