I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
