it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
