WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
