tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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