(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
