Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my being single is dangerous.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
