If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
