TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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