she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize