Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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