with your own penis?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
