yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
