Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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