dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
