kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
