I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
