Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
