Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
