he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
two words: eviction party
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
