I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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