omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
