Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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