Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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