Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it because I queefed?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
