Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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