I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
