Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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