3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
