i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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