He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
