We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
