He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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