I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
