I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize