We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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