I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
