I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
