im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
