new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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