After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
