I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
