So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
