whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
