i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize