she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
