There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
