Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
