i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize
