3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize