its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
