hotel room ftw
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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