You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
