Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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