Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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