A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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