He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize