I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
