I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
