If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
