Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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