i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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