Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
