Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We had to coat check the pizza.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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