Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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