oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it hurts more in the daytime
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize