Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
