Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
