btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
