I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think i have two assholes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
