Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
