He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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