Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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