When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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