hotel room ftw
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
